We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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