DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
