why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize