sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
