tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
