woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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