good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
