Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
