This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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