I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I could fuck to npr.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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