I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
