My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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