Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
