please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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