I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
