u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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