Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
