something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
