mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
