garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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