so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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