: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize