he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
