At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize