I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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