do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
