Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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