My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
