The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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