My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
