Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
