I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
