It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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