That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
