So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
