Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
