I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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