I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You are the jesus of drinking
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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