Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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