so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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