I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
