my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize