Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
