About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
