my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
