please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
