I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
