dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
