I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
