Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
