Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize