so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I would but heβs not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize