Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
