even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
