I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
