Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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