yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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