ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
