i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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