The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize