ya dads aren't the best wingmen
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
