It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
