i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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