I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
how drunk are you?
Several
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
