Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
