Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
