I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
