I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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