she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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