Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just had sex bonerless
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
