It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
