fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
