The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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