put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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