she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i drank out of a bidet.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
