Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
