Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
