At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
