I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize