found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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