i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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