Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And then my night got REAL pukey
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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