just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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