I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
