I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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