her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
