I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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