I should be sponsored by Trojan
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
