My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
