Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
