i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
