Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
tell me about the fingering
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