ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
