I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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