You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Let's get the cat blown out
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
