So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize