you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
