I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize