I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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