So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
