I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
