wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
