dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
