I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
