wanna go halves on a baby?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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