i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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