Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
