this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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