wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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