In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
