I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
