cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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