the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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