is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
