walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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