I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
