Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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